Finally Forever by Katie Kacvinsky
Genre: New Adult Contemporary Romance
Release Date: May 9, 2014
Synopsis: College baseball player, Gray Thomas, had to go far out into left field to find a girl like Dylan, the ex-love-of-his-life. More than a year later, literally at a crossroads, they find each other together on a journey that is a pause between a painful past and an uncertain future. In this sexy and offbeat summer read, Gray and Dylan discover that a destination isn't always a place. More often, it's a person. Now it's time for them to finally decide, is this forever?
I try to un-want things. It’s my latest challenge. And I’m continually broke, so it works out. Every day people make lists of the things they want, or the things they need. Shopping lists, to-do lists, grocery lists. I make it a challenge to un-want things. To see what I can do without. I un-want new shoes and make do with my dirty, worn out ones. I glue the soles together and sew holes. I un-want a new backpack and sew a patch on the one I have. Casting something away it easy, but just because it frays, just because it shows signs of age doesn’t mean it’s worthless. It’s amazing how well things hold up if you give them extra love.
I un-wanted getting a haircut and let it grow wild until I cut it myself. I un-want makeup and let my freckles stand out. And strangely, in all the unneeding, I seem to gain more.
I look up at the door Gray just walked out of. No matter how hard I try, I can’t un-want you. I can’t un-need you. Sometimes we don’t know what we need until we’re shown what we need. Up until then, we’re only making blind guesses. Sometimes, even when we think we’re roaming, we’re just traveling in a long circle that eventually leads us home.
I walk into the bedroom and sit down on the bed. Dylan isn’t here; it gives me a chance for a mental pep talk. I run my hands through my hair. I have to mentally rise above the situation. I can’t let my mind go there. I can’t let myself remember. I can’t let myself want her. She is the one thing I can never have.
I look up at the door she’s about to walk through. I gave you up. I realized I wasn’t born to love you. I was born to lose you. You are my sad song. My melancholy mix. My regrets, my what ifs. You are my past until you suddenly crashed into my present. But you will never be my future.
I replay that sentence over and over in my head.